What Is Shrekking and Why Are Women Talking?

Shrekking describes dating someone you consider less conventionally attractive than yourself because you expect them to be more loyal, grateful or attentive. The sting comes when that person still behaves badly, rejects you or ends the relationship. Online, this outcome is often described as “getting Shrekked”.

Women often discuss the expression, but the behaviour is not exclusive to them. Nor is choosing someone outside your usual physical type automatically Shrekking. The crucial difference is motive. A genuine connection that grows beyond first impressions is healthy. Treating a date as a safer, supposedly lower-status option is a judgement built on appearance.

Why Newcastle singles may recognise it.

From matches made on apps to first dates on Grey Street or nights out in the Ouseburn, Newcastle has the same mix of hope, fatigue and snap decisions. A recent Newcastle feature recorded local singles calling app dating “dry”, “horrible”, “amazing” and “complicated”, while organisers reported interest in face-to-face singles events.

That frustration helps explain why a phrase such as Shrekking travels. It gives people a punchy name for the disappointment of lowering one standard, usually looks, only to discover that kindness was never guaranteed. Yet the term can also be cruel, particularly when a person becomes an “ogre” in someone else’s story without knowing it.

What the dating statistics show.

There is no reliable survey measuring how many women in Newcastle, or elsewhere, have Shrekked someone. Any percentage circulating online should therefore be treated cautiously. Broader figures do show the scale of the dating market. Ofcom reported that nearly five million UK adults used an online dating service in May 2024, roughly one in ten online adults. Reach was about 18 per cent among both 18 to 24-year-olds and 25 to 34-year-olds.

The same reporting found Tinder had lost around 600,000 UK users year on year, Bumble about 368,000, Hinge 131,000 and Grindr 11,000. Those figures do not prove Shrekking is rising, but they suggest widespread dating-app fatigue and a growing appetite for lower-pressure, in-person connections.

For local context, Census 2021 data can show how many Newcastle residents aged 16 and over had never married or entered a civil partnership. It cannot tell us who was available to date, because “single” is a legal status, not a relationship status.

The real red flag.

Looks do not predict loyalty, empathy or emotional maturity. A better filter is how someone communicates, respects boundaries and treats people when there is nothing to gain. Shrekking may sound funny, but approaching a relationship as a bargain risks hurting both people before the first date has even begun.

For daters across Tyneside, the lesson is simple: widening your type can be positive, but nobody’s appearance offers insurance against dishonesty, disrespect or heartbreak either.